Thursday, January 27, 2005

Revelation (~~Robert Frost)


We make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated heart
Till someone really finds us out.

'Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.

But so with all, from babes that play
At hide-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.

~~~Robert Frost

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

01/24/05 Monday 11:00pm

... for instance, last night I had this incredible flight of fantasy as I dozed off unwillingly on the couch -- it involved the back door, (which my mind reminded me I had forgotten to lock after I finished carrying in a bunch of files), the soft blanket which I had pulled partially over myself as my body temperature dropped into a doze, the soft satin slip of a nightgown I'd donned after my bath, and an acquaintance of mine who (at least in those few moments of time my mind created) had a man's hands w/ blunt, workworn fingertips, warm lips, unbelievable sense of humor and - Hallelujah! - a functioning brain to go with it, a voice layered with nuance, a rich laugh that warms parts of me I don't need to go into, a heart beating desperately in its effort to be heard, a soul which harbours hopes which he stifles even as they struggle to be born... and Hutzpah. Lots of hutzpah.

It was an exceptional story. It was. I had some struggles -- some of the descriptive nuances were so layered with contradictions that trying to capture them all ... explain them all... left even me confused. And that's finally what tipped the balance -- that and a warning to myself that clarifying a sleep-drenched fantasy onto paper in this case might just be a futile gesture laced with frustration. I know unrealized potential when I see it... but eventually, even I have to conclude that potential which remains unrealized remains so for a reason. Or reasons. Or simply through choice.

Do you want a person? or a set of circumstances? Ah, well.... perhaps, like me, you want them both. As I told another acquaintance of mine in intimate confidence .... "I'm greedy -- I want it all". And I'm confident enough to wait for it to come along & drop into my lap -- the "all", that is. But damn, that was a fine bit of fantasy... what a shame it's slithered away into the ether! 'Cause I sure didn't bestir myself enough to get up & really write it down... and even hutzpah didn't bring the living through my door.

Monday, January 24, 2005

01/24/05 Monday 10:00am

You know... I really like the concept of a blog... I just can't bring myself to write in it every day. The real problem is that the things that come into my mind that I want to put out here are terribly insistent about getting written... when I'm anywhere but at the computer. Driving... waiting for an appointment... Dr's office... at the gym... most often when I've juuuust settled into bed, gotten a comfortable, nice warm spot all cozy & perfect, close my eyes, relax, begin to doze off... BLAM! A tantalizing fragment of thought tickles it's way into my head. Then it's either stick my naked toesies out into the cold cruel world, get up & write... or let it go. 'Cause of course, if you don't pursue it RIGHT THEN, it's gone, never to be thought of again. Tantalizing fragments of thought are fickle creatures. Geez, but that's a hard decision. I don't know how many wonderful concepts have been lost to the lure of Morpheus & 400 thread count sheets.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Elsewhere, Elsewhen

Could we go to a place
where all is sublime --
Somewhere... someway.... sometime?
A place where your eyes find beauty
And all our hearts see is kind

Where the coffee is always the perfect cup
And the latte is smooth & cool
Where conversation never lags
Where chance leaves you never the fool

I wouldn't want to stay there
Only visit now & again
I'll invite you along to be there with me
Before the beginning & after the end

And any time fate tweaks us wrong
We could offer one to another a hand
Extended in hope, strengthened by trust
"Yes, I'll meet you -- Elsewhere, Elsewhen."

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Phantom Lips

It's phantom lips I feel
And the warm rough hand of a man that cups my breast
While blunt fingertips roughly graze my nipple

When someone loses an arm
or a leg
They say that sometimes they feel
a "phantom pain"
Impossible sensations from a limb
that is no longer there
One would think the brain would be on YOUR side
being, as it is, connected to the whole
Wouldn't one?

Perhaps it finds itself unexpectedly perturbed
that its sovereign right to escape
to travel hither & yon into the ether of experience
has been imitated, duplicated, by hitherto body-bound
parts of its whole

Well, it's phantom lips I feel
Warm lips press against mine
Entreat me to open
And my lips part - of themselves - in a slight silent gasp
The breath I almost feel
escapes me instead

I can't even tell whose lips they are
that my psyche twists
so ruthlessly from the air
fraught with empty promise
But these phantom lips follow me
taunt me, tease me
haunt me
I would erase the sensation!
Could I only find something more corporeal
To chase away the spirits
That haunt me so.