Wednesday, March 16, 2005

03/15/05 Tuesday night -- Friends & Self

Ah, Amy... my dear, sweet, loving, pixie-like friend with the vivid imagination and incredible brain. She has a heart big enough to encompass everyone she's ever met, a heart tender and easily damaged, not so easily healed... a soul willing to take on the cares of everyone she cares about. I love you for that -- from what I can tell, we all do.


I am in many ways an analytical, introspective soul. It is part and parcel of my nature to dig into the nooks & crannies of my psyche, pull out what I find there (even when it comes kicking & screaming all the way), look closely at it, turn it over and over... analyze it... relate it to what I know & hypothesize about what I do not. I recognize fully that there will be things in there that 'aint'sa pretty', but also that some of them belong there. I recognize that as a human being I have had, have, will have many failings to balance out all the wonderful things that are there... and many many wonderful things to balance out all the 'uggies'. While now & then I find something that I think really needs some tweaking (and I'll spare you all the list!), overall, I don't have much of a problem with the balance that is me. Mostly, I rather like it!

I apologize profusely that I worried you... you who care so deeply and are so quick to try to mend... often what I write about tends to be the things that sound sad & unhappy simply because when I'm with my friends (like you), that's when all the happy stuff gets mulled over. Of all the things that rumble through my brain, a balance has to come out somewhere... and I'd really rather save the happy stuff for when I'm with you! The happy stuff gets LIVED more than written... the notsohappy gets written more than lived. Writing stuff out is just another way to muddle through my thoughts, put them in some sort of order... get them OUT of my head where they could fester & put them somewhere far more healthy.... and yeah, maybe even share them from time to time. It's catharsis. It's not a way to hide ... these are not deep dark secrets ( mostly!), they're just things that.. um.. belong somewhere safe.

Thank you for calling me... thank you for caring about me... thank you for always rushing to be sure that all is well... thank you for helping me be a better me... thank you for all the examples you set whether you know it or not... thank you for not being perfect... thank you for talking to me, sharing your life with me, sharing your fears and your joys. Thank you for loving me... thank you for simply existing & for just being you. I love you :-)


Anonymous Anonymous said...


You bring tears of joy and warm heartfelt tenderness to my eyes. Thank you for saying and thinking such wonderfull thoughts about me. I don't think there is much hope of me putting aside my worriesome ways but thank you for seeing the honest concern indended by it. I see your inner light and it is warm, bright, comforting, whimsical, and uniquely your own. I cherrish you for who you are and will defend you always...even from yourself :)

Sunday, March 20, 2005 3:27:00 PM  

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