07/28/05 - Love on a Thursday Noonish

Contact!
firm, sure
reassuring
Enfolds me
shields me
warms me
Drawing me close
protection
salvation
comforting
reaffirming
exciting
Embraceable you

07/22/05 - Friday

You know... anyone who scoffs at the idea of an intangible connection between yourself and someone you care about is deaf, dumb & blind to themselves. I think we get so tangled up in tangible proof... finding things that explain what you know... scathing looks, comments, a lack of something, a too much of something else. Sometimes "proof" just gets in the way of knowing things. I don't always listen to that silent voice inside, but I should. And I think I do listen more often than many. Something is wrong. No, not quite "wrong"... but Something is not-right. Not in a big, bold, "DANGER!" sort of way, but in a closed door with no door knob on my side of it sort of way. And I know that the person on the other side knows I'm on the other side of it. Something is not-right in a blocking access, close down the connection sort of way. I'm not omniscient (don't tell my daughter!), and I don't know why or how or for how long or what made it/makes it happen or what's going on or whether it's a conscious or unconscious thing or defensive or offensive or automatic or controlled or anything else about it except that it's there. It's like putting a perfectly clear glass box in a stream of water -- you can't see it, but you can feel it. If you know where to look, you can see that the water flows around it now... the currents change as a result of it being there. That same sense tells me there is no action I can take that will alter this in any way I'd like. I much prefer it when those senses point me towards something I can DO... but there it is. Not ready to leave yet... so I think I'll just hunker down & wait a bit. Close my eyes & watch what happens. Could be interesting! And, at least in theory, I've got allll the time in the world.

07/20/05 - Wednesday 1

Just a couple of days ago I got what is quite possibly one of the nicest compliments of my life. The phone rang, I picked it up, said something equivilating "Hello", ('cause I almost never just say "hello", much prefering something more unsettling like "Dammit, I TOLD you I didn't do it!"... I stand backwards on elevators & talk to strangers, too.) Since the person calling me is one of those who isn't phazed in the least by such uncouth phone manners, my not-a-hello was returned with a "are you just about the coolest person I've ever known, or what?"

Now while that's really not a bad greeting with which to begin a conversation, I laughed & was ready to blow it off as just a simple rejoinder. But during the course of our conversation, it expanded... blossomed... and has continued to do so the more I think about it. I was told.. in all seriousness.. that while on first meeting me a person may conceivably decide I'm "cool" or "ok" or even "eh" or "notsamuch". But the longer someone knows me, the neater I get. The more someone knows me, the more interesting little nooks & crannies you (apparently) find in the way I think.. the things I do (or would like to do.. or would be willing to do.. or at least hear about). The more time and effort someone spends knowing me in my entirety, the better the package becomes. The more time and effort you spend, the more it glows, beckons, becomes something you want more of and want to ensure it sticks around in YOUR life for a long, long time.

No... they weren't drunk.

Now this person is themselves what I think of as mighty interesting. Made some interesting decisions in their life, has a lot of flavor in their soul, smart, loving, funny, interesting, cool to hang with, cool to cry with, a GREAT friend - definitely one of the few in my "these are the people that I know will be there to hold me together, pick up the pieces, put me back together when my world shatters in a major way" category. Really major. Like when my parents die, or if I found out I had cancer or leukemia or if something happened to my child. That kind of major. It's one thing to be told nice things about yourself from a schmooze, but this person would also tell me what a stupid ass I was if it was truth.

No... they weren't trying to get laid.

That just kicks ass, doesn't it? Not only that, but I've known this person for ... cripes... 30 years? And not all of them were good ones, either -- we had a few rough times to add some spice to our history, too. But in 30 years you'd think you'd start getting "same ol' cracker" on someone, wouldn't you? So how much better does that make hearing this?

No... they weren't asking for money either. Geesh.
Of course, they might just be freakin' nuts.

07/20/05 -- Wednesday 2

Oh.. yeah, in case you're wondering? Yes, they'll read my earlier post. The person I referenced is one of the *(*%&$&*&*** folks who has kindly contributed to my ever so humble 1200+ counter hits but then DOESN'T LEAVE ANY FREAKIN' COMMENTS!!!!!!

Voyeurs, every one of you.

07/18/05 - Somezen to Think About

In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao, everyday something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.
True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.
And.......
True perfection seems imperfect, yet it is perfectly itself.
True fullness seems empty, yet it is fully present.
True strength seems crooked. True wisdom seems foolish.
True art seems artless.
The Master allows things to happen.
She shapes events as they come.
She steps out of the way and lets the Tao speak for itself.

(unknown original source - thanks, Lu)