02/28/05 Monday

Despite the cold bugs that seemed intent on having a frat party in my head, the weekend wasn't bad at all. Maybe some of the intensity I was feeling physically was caught up into the web of dread I felt about a couple of things I really didn't want to do. Anticipation of a conference call Friday with XX had me tied in knots, I knew Friday night was going to be WORK instead of fun (I hate character creation!), I STILL haven't finished my taxes, and seeing "visual clutter" everywhere I looked with people coming over Sunday.... as those little critters moved their party kegs into the cobwebby space between my ears, I just wanted to stick my head under the covers & hide.

I know, it all works out in the end. It ALWAYS works out in the end. Even back in the days when I was performing (band, chorus, theatre), anticipatory angst threatened to hoist me high over something nasty & let go. But it ALWAYS worked out. Ok... one time I can remember it not working out -- Tammy&I once tried to perform at a theatre contest with something like 3 days and 2 practices notice & failed most miserably. But we had fun anyway, and other than that, it has always worked out.

Friday was more pleasant than I expected since for much of the evening it was just three of us. Some of what I hate about character creation is the time it takes. Some is the lack of intimate knowledge I have about the choices, some is the dread I feel at discovering later that I should have spent my points in other areas, and some is the pressure I feel at being so darn slow to create when everyone else is so much faster. (Never mind that they know the systems & have been doing it for years.) Hey, I'm an overachiever. A Perfectionist (I'm working on that.) But, like many things dreaded, the only way through it was through it... and we did get through it.

Saturday morn, day, & night I spent alternately cleaning like a madwoman, racing hither & yon to a few necessary stores & errands about town, and between these short frantic bursts of activity, collapsing into a fever-slick sweaty heap of a nap (man, those little bugs can PARTY!). No way could I make the 2.5 hour drive home to my oldest friend's (28+ years?) most recent grand opening (I so need to call her tonight to apologize!) only to turn around & come back, so spent a bit feeling guilty about that, too. But the house got clean..er. The bugs darn near wore themselves out with their little orgy of fun in my head, and B's room ALMOST got clean.

Sunday I woke up feeling SOOO much better! Think it was the feng shui in the clean..er house? Split, repotted & thoroughly watered the asparagus fern, fixed the shower door, mopped the kitchen floor, vacuumed, & hid stuff off my back porch so it was possible to walk through again. Don't ask me when I'm gonna clean out the cat room... it's scary now, but at least I can't see it! People started arriving about 2:00, J&I got dinner bubbling away on the stove, then tossed it in the crockpot to tantalize us for a few hours, we set up the board... and enjoyed each other's company all afternoon. Once everyone left I faced the fact that the kids made B's room look like Tornado alley, and I STILL have dishes to do (small kitchen. ), but it's aaaallll worth it. Somehow the house just feels different -- better -- when people I love have come & spent time in it with me. Thanks, guys -- please come again soon!

Today? Today I still have a few sniffles to tend to, but as long as I don't overdo it this week I should be fine. I woke up to a light dusting of snow on the ground that once again has disappeared now that I look out my office window. I swear there's a ripple in the space/time continuum between the living room & my office! Work looms -- visits, voicemail & another meeting with XX tomorrow will keep me more than busy once I'm done stealing some moments from my "lunch hour" to write here. A brief but sweet note out here let me know I've been missed, and purely by coincidence, that I either have more work or more begging (of someone who can code) to do on this blog format, 'cause it didn't let me know anyone had made a comment. A nice letter from someone I care about arrived & set to rest a couple of persistent "I thinks" and "I wonders" that have been hanging out in my head for several months now, despite some concerted effort to make them relocate to The Void. I talked briefly with my mom & was glad just to hear her voice. Moms are such a great thing. Maybe I'll even do my taxes tonight. Feng Shui my "to do" list. I'd rather have people on it than taxes anyway.